Twilight Thoughts
by Violet-chan
Summary: Michiru has some thinking to do about her life. (Crystal Tokyo)


Twilight Thoughts  
Violet-chan  
  
Guess what? I never have, and probably never will own Sailor Moon. Nuff said.  
*~*~*~*~  
I sit on the rooftop overlooking all of Crystal Tokyo. Today marked the tenth anniversary of the construction of the city. Usagi-chan, no, Serenity, had really out-done herself - two large feasts, a carnival of sorts, tours of the palace, and contests of every kind. It had been a long, albeit fun, day. I was exhausted. Yet, I couldn't sleep. This week should have been my twenty-year high school reunion. It was hard to believe everything that had transpired since then - practically impossible, even. I doubted even half of my classmates were still alive, with all the attacks that had happened a few years back. I wondered how many of them had achieved their dreams.   
  
I sighed, and looked at the violin case next to me. I had returned to the suite I share with Haruka right after the evening banquet to dig it out of the closet, then dissappeared up here. All around was quiet, as people had returned to their homes after the day of celebration. They could rest easy, they knew they were protected, free to persue any dream they wished.  
  
But what about me? My fellow senshi? Is this the life I would have imagined for myself? Warrior, advisor to the queen?  
  
I ran into a girl from high school a few days back, while walking around the town. She was never a close acquaintance, but nevertheless, I knew her. She was surprised to see me - and rightly so. She asked me what I was doing here - why I hadn't joined the symphony or signed a record deal yet. Some people have yet to connect our senshi lives to our mundane lives. Gently as I could, I explained that my destiny lay elsewhere - that as the senshi of Neptune, I was bound by honor to serve the Queen. Her jaw dropped. I politely excused myself, and could feel her eyes on me as I walked away.   
  
But why? Why does my destiny lay elsewhere? Growing up, my dream was to be a violinist, and I was well on my way by the time I awoke as a senshi.   
  
Everything changed that day. I began, though I didn't know it yet, a life of service, of duty. I don't resent it as much as it may sound, but I wonder if it could have been different. Would I have realized my dream? Would I be touring now? I had so many hopes and dreams, and they all suddenly changed. Instead of making my way in the world, I was assuring its survival. I was battling for innocents, I was fighting monsters. I had been distracted from my dream, but I had always intended to go back to it. I had always hoped to pick up playing again. But as an advisor to the queen, duty and responsibility came first. I hadn't touched the violin in at least ten years. I can still picture myself in high school - sure of myself, sure of what I could, and would accomplish. I was out to chase my dream, and nothing was going to stop me. Or so I thought. It wasn't meant to be, I suppose. My destiny was determined millenia ago.   
  
I hear her footsteps behind me on the roof and smile softly as she sits down next to me. I lean on her shoulder and say nothing as she wraps an arm around me.   
  
"Daijobu?" she murmurs softly, running her fingers through my wind blown locks.  
  
"Hai... just... thinking." I answer and we lapse into silence once more. "Haruka?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"When did it happen?"  
  
"When did what happen?"  
  
"Life."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"When did everything change? Are any of us living the lives we dreamed of?"  
  
She is silent, collecting her thoughts as she pulls me closer to her.  
  
"Do you mean, 'Are we living the specific lives we might have dreamed of as children?' If so, probably not. Not many five year-olds would think right away of being senshi." She takes a breath, again collecting and rearranging her thoughts. "But there are basic elements there. Happiness. Love. Laughter. Friendship. Could you imagine a life, or wanting a life, without them?"  
  
I blink in surprise. Haruka is not usually quite this philosophical.   
  
She continues, "Am I a racecr driver? No. Are you a professional violinist? No. And Ami-chan's not a doctor, Mako-chan doesn't own her own line of restaurants. Hotaru-chan, Setsuna-san, Minako-chan, and Rei-chan aren't any different. But," she squeezes me briefly, "who would give it up? We turned out alright, didn't we? Maybe we're not persuing our original dreams, but does that mean we should be unhappy? Look back at all you have because of this life, and what you might not without it." Her low voice is boardering on cracking as she whispers into my ear.  
  
I know she is right. Without my destiny 'nudging' me in the proper direction, I may not have met her. I would not have met Hotaru-chan, Setsuna-san, Rei-chan, Minako-chan, Mako-chan or Ami-chan. I would not have met our princess, nor would I know her capacity to love us all - and, especially in the case of Haruka and myself, forgive. I know instantly that my life would be drastically different without them all. I try to imagine this life - and am surprised to find it all but impossible - especially a life without Haruka.   
  
I turn in her arms and face her. The palm of my hand brushes her cheek. "When did you get so smart?" I ask, barely above a whisper.  
  
She captures my hand and kisses my palm before answering. "You're not the only philosophical one. Don't forget - my reunion would have been this week too. I've been wrestling with similar thoughts."  
  
"So what did you decide?"  
  
"Decide what?"  
  
"Which life? This one, where our lives have probably been mapped out for us for millenia, or another - alone, but free to persue our dreams, as one of them?" I make a vague gesture out across the city.  
  
"I've almost lost you more times than I care to remember. I'm not thinking of doing it again. Despite how my choices may or may not be my own, it's okay. I have everything I need to be happy." Her green eyes stare questioningly into mine, waiting for my answer.  
  
"When I came out here tonight, I was feeling differently. I was upset that my destiny was already lain out - kind of like a forest, where I just have to follow the trail - there is no other choice. I wanted to go back to a life where I had choices - I could do as I pleased. But what would that mean without you? Without Hotaru-chan? Setsuna-san? Serenity-hime? Minako-tachi? It'd be meaningless. Perhaps I'm not living the life I dreamed I would. But since when does anything turn out as planned? I'm happy right where I am. And maybe, we can create new dreams. Together."  
  
"That sounds wonderful." She kisses me gently, and when we part, my head finds the spot on her shoulder it has so many times previously - resting there as we watch the moon rise over this utopia we are destined to protect, no matter the cost. Afterall, it is the creation of this place that brought us together - and will hold us together.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Reviews? Please? ^^; 


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